This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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