And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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