So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
