I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
