We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
