I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
