All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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