So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
