you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
