you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
