I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
