so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
