How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
