Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
