so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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