You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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