Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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