dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
