Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
