i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
