Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
