I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
