He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
