New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I smell like Dick and happiness
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
