The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
