No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
