i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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