Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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