i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
