So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize