I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These tits shall not be calmed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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