I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
