if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had sex on a roof
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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