it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
