We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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