he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
