Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
