I'm really into asian looking animals
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
