i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
