im about as happy as oj after his trial
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
