Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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