This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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