i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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