Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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