Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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