all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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