His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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