get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
