u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
