We're facebook friends in real life
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
