so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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