I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
