I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
