You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
