If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
