Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she woke up with a sticky ear
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
