forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
