hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
