if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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