College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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