the condom got lost in my hair
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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