This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
