help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
