Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
