Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
